Sorry About Your Jomentum

Dear Senator Joseph Lieberman,

I remember your "three-way tie for third place" in the 2004 NH primary when you said that your campaign still had a lot of "Joementum."  It is with great sadness that I see your 2006 senatorial bid has now lost its own Joementum. My hopes that you would be able to Joebilize the Democrats to fight the Republican hegeJoeny have been dashed.  I felt that your campaign had flamed out like a Joelotov Cocktail.  In fact, I was feeling downright Joeribund until I heard that you were running as an Independent.  Now I am no longer Joerose!

Perhaps you can Joetivate more voters as a third-party candidate.  It’s going to be difficult, though, as many Americans feel that Independents are simply going through the Joetions.  That’s why you need to expand your campaign beyond Connecticut and bring the message to the heartland of America—hit all the voters from Joeline to Joeberly.   Then get on the campaign trail and Joesey on down to Texas.  The folks down there can be as slow as Joelasses when it comes to changing their minds, but that’s why you need to make an impact there!  As the saying goes, if you can’t bring the mountain to Joehammed, bring Joehammed to the mountain. 

People say you are just a Joenotonous bore, but I believe you have the ability to transcend a hoJoegenous Joenochromatic view of this country and bring people of all races and creeds together—an American Joesaic, if you will. For your campaign, I suggest discussing family values and the importance of the matriJoenial cereJoeny.  Take a vocal stance against internet predators and child Joelesters who meet their prey in "no-tell Joetels." You should also emphasize your belief in implementing a forceful foreign policy and fighting terrorists from Joegadishu to Joesul.

Politics can be such a headache, though.  If you’re feeling stressed out, take a couple of Joetrin and find some time to relax.  Consider taking care of the grounds of your Connecticut home on your riding lawn Joewer.  You could travel to the beautiful city of Joedena, home of Ferrari Joetor cars, and take a spin on one of those Italian Joepeds.  Or, see the unique sights of Japan, wear a KiJoeno, and say "DoJoe Arigato" to your lovely hosts.

If you and Hadassah don’t want to travel, the two of you could drink a MiJoesa or a Joehito and watch a couple of my favorite movies:  Last of the Joehicans and Jo’ Better Blues.  Or listen to some great tunes:  Pink Floyd’s "Joementary Lapse of Reason," Jethro Tull’s "LocoJoetive Breath," or The Doors’ "Mr. Jomo Risin’." 

You might have received a setback but this could be a watershed Joement.  Remember the AlaJoe!

Sincerely,
Mike Hightower and Alex Moffett
(Voters, American style)